Imagine: sparkling white teeth in just one visit!

Wonderful to yawn and feel the sheen
blaze off incisors bright enough
to start prairie fires, signal

cavalry, lure women (fluttering)
to the klieg-light of my smile.
And not just women. Scintillating

so, I’ll surge ahead at work.
One radiant word, and men will fall
prostrate, awaiting my commands.

They’ll fight to buy me lunch,
take me to ball games, get me in
their country clubs, and pay my dues.

Yellow teeth get sent to jail.
Yellow teeth get the form-letter in the mail.
Yellow teeth get passed over,

and bless the foot that kicks them out.
No more jaundice-mouth for me!
No more feigned sadness to avoid disgusting

others with a grin. I’ll charge ahead in my new life
like a team of thirty-two spelunkers,
lanterns all agleam.
-Charles Harper Webb