Do I love my job? No. But does it afford me the ability to go on lavish vacations and buy anything I want? Also no.
Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman? Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.
I just lost a good friend of mine in a terrible accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes? A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!" So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and
Person: Your gay You: Im straighter then that pole your mom dances on
me: I have an imaginary girlfriend. therapist: U can do better than that. me: I know, it's just.. therapist: I was talking to her.
Q: With your current account balance, which Apple product can you buy? A: Apple juice.
Life has no remote. So get up and change it yourself.
she said" what's on tv?" "Dust" I said..and that's when the arguments started!
She said "You only love me because my Dad left me a lot of money!" I said "Not true , I'd love you no matter who left it to you!"
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test! She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents!! *Wife*: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you! *Husband*: What’s up? *Wife*: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid! *Husband*: Well you don’t remember, do you?? When we were leaving the hospital,
A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The veterinarian told the lady if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she could go to the store for 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in its ears once a month. The lady
Need money? Go to Walmart or Target to the self-checkout and grab someone's receipt that was left behind. Then go around finding the items, then return them with the receipt.
If opposites attract, I should be dating a gorgeous, billionaire supermodel that has a loving family.
A naked bisexual polar bear with bipolar disorder is a bare bipolar bipolar bear.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she put on her yellow raincoat and went outside, all the kids yelled the bus is coming! The bus is coming!
Yo mama's so fat, that when she fell no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up
only Chuck Norris can smell estrogen